Tuesday, 29 November 2016


Though this post is inspired by Toke Makinwa's recently released book "on becoming" but it's not only about her.  it isn't about her pains and trials. This isn't about "on becoming", it is about so many other Toke Makinwas out there who are afraid of becoming.

Who could have guessed that a pretty, educated and well known personality at a time, went through the valley of the shadow of death just to make her marriage work. This goes a long way to tell you the secret pain many wives go through and the excesses they have to put up with. For them not to be labeled "a failure".

Do not be surprised to see another woman (all tanks to Toke for lifting the veil) come up with her story of pain, abuse, betrayal she has had to live with just so she would not be termed a "divorcee", the secret tears that has become a tradition every single night all because she wants to have a sense of belonging amongst other married women.
The society where we found ourselves today, do not care what the woman goes through, they don't care if  her emotions is trampled upon, they believe that the woman is the reason why the marriage didn't work.
They believe that women are meant to endure and never to grumble about being cheated, they claim that was how our mothers had to endure the emotional abuses they suffered from our fathers. Reason why we are where we are today, reason why the men still think it is their right to go out and come back whenever it pleases them, reason why they still believe that they can marry their wives solely for the sake of child bearing and housekeeping.

I had a conversation with a bride-t- be recently, and she stunned me when she told me her first encounter with her then would-be father in law.  According to her, on her first visit to the father in law's. He asked her after many other ridiculous questions he said, "hope if my son starts making money and decides to marry another wife, you would not object"? 

I tell you his type are much in this generation. How do we get out and say no to being a side chick in our homes?  It is by having the" on becoming mentality" 

By looking into the mirror and telling yourself the truth. The truth that nobody will tell you. The truth that you deserve to be loved just like the other woman, the truth that you deserve same attention he gives her, the truth that he has no right to entertain the "other woman" if it isn't your initial agreement.
I look forward to meeting another woman who is becoming.


  1. Thanks for the lovely post. Every nation reflects its mentality. The average Africans see the wife as the one that cleans the house and prepare meals. Just because the man provide money doesn't make the woman a cook. It is called relationship where there should mutual benefit. Even the woman goes to work and the man is at home, she will still come back to prepare the meal and take care of other things at him while the man is chatting with other friends. Until there is a mind shift like Christ said, " let me change you by changing the way you think." Our culture is costing us a lot and not very many realise this. Even many who are privileged to be educated are still uneducated in the mutual love that exist between a man a woman. Love your wife, join her in the kitchen to cok. What is wrong if she slicing the vegetables and you wash the dishes? That is a tabo isn't it? May God help us and beam his light into our mind to love our wife having no bound. May grace be available to all men to love their wife's like Christ love the church and give himself for her.

  2. I hurt inside seeing this post. I wonder how it takes such a short time to be in hell. Marriage seem to just be the shortest route. I think we just miss it all at one point or the other as singles. We take so many things for granted and end up in hell in such a short notice. God help us understand his kind of love so much we would all understand what this marriage institution is all about.


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