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Wednesday, 25 May 2016

15 sure signs to know that your friends are not actually your friends


Friends are definitely a big part of our being and our social lives. As humans, we need friends.  We need people to share feelings, have conversations, and to be part of our social networks.

Friends are there for us when we need them and we’re there for them. Good friends are always there for us and bring out the best in us. On the other hand, sometimes you find out that a friend isn’t a friend.  Perhaps they were just taking advantage of you or taking a service you provided. Once they didn’t need it anymore, they revealed their true colors.

It is extremely important to choose your friends wisely, and not just because they provide you a service.

True friends should be lively, supportive, uplifting, and bring out the best in you.  They should appreciate the real you and love your personality. And you should provide that same support as well.


1. Backbiting

This one is common among fake friends. Backbiting is saying nasty things about someone in their absence. True friends don’t wait until you leave before they tell you your weaknesses and encourage you to work on them. Backbiting is an obvious sign that that your so-called friend is not really your friend.
There is a saying that it's only a genuine friend that can tell his/her friend that their mouth smells horribly..

2. Disregard

Ever been in a situation, let’s say in a university, where you and your friend studied, did all the assignments, and worked on all the projects together? Then, after the course is over, did the person disregard your phone calls and refuse to stay in touch? This is a big shocker, but it happens. People like that are advantage takers; they are friends so they can study with you, gain from you, and diss you afterwards and act like they never knew you.

3. Not Wishing You The Best

True friends will always wish you the best in your work, home, family, and life in general. This is because true friends feel happy when you achieve a milestone or reach a goal. If someone’s jealous or angry because you put your own needs first and accomplished your goal, watch out: that is not a true friend.

4. Setting You Up

This does not happen a lot but could happen occasionally. It is definitely frustrating and heartbreaking when you find out that the person that set you up is an old friend. If this ever happens, it definitely means that the person is not a true friend.

5. Demotivating/Discouraging You

If a friend or companion is demotivating you or discouraging you from doing something good, helpful, or useful, it could be because they fear you succeeding and getting ahead of them. It might not be personal – they could just be negative about life in general.  But it could indicate that they don’t want the best for you and do not qualify as true friends.

6. Not Missing You

Another red flag when it comes to friendship? They don’t miss you when you’re gone. This might seem silly, and not worth your attention, but there could be meaning behind it. If you go on a trip, true friends will miss you and make the effort to welcome you back home.

7. Not Happy To See You

Friends are usually happy to see each other. On the contrary, fake friends will just be happy to see a “friend” when they need help with something or when there is some benefit on the line. After all the work is done and they don’t need any more help, these phony friends don’t care much about seeing you.

8. Taking Advantage

This is one of the biggest reasons that fake friends pursue you. Taking advantage is terrible, but many people need something and use it as a motive to make friends. This can be spotted.  Ask yourself, “Does this person notice and contact me only when he needs a favor?  Does he ignore me when he doesn’t need anything?”  If so, this might not be your friend.

9. Using Excuses To Avoid You

Ever been in a situation where you tried to contact a friend but he would not answer your calls?  Did he give various excuses as time passed? He told you he was busy at work, but you ran into him unexpectedly while he was out chilling with others. Suddenly you feel miserable and realize that you are not important to him. You are sure he was just avoiding you all along. If so, and if he’s not planning a surprise party for you, he is not your real friend.

10. Blaming You

Friends are meant to protect each other not to blame each other and depending on the degree of friendship, cover up for each other. One thing to take notice of is if your friend is blaming everything on you whenever you guys get in trouble, even though you might be innocent. Your friend is putting your friendship in danger. Run from such a friend.

11. Not Understanding

True friends are those who understand you and what you’re doing and what you are going through.  They will never make you feel bad because you prefer to work from time to time instead of hanging out with them.  Instead they understand that you have a deadline to meet. A sketchy friend will make you feel terrible if you pass on an invitation because you have something more important going.

12. Pretending

Some people are born pretenders chai... Some people are actually good actors and it is really hard to tell if they are trying to get to know you as a friend or just interested in a skill you have. However, once you’re friends, it’s easier to discover whether they are real or not.  Be careful of friends that are not straightforward.

13. Cannot Tell Them A Secret

You don’t feel comfortable to confide your secrets to just anybody. A secret is a big, important detail of your life and, once exposed, can lead to potential issues and problems. If you cannot tell a friend a secret, then he/she is not really a friend. A friend is one who you tell your secret to and won't hear it elsewhere.

14.You Are Making All The Effort

Many relationships are one-sided relationships and just don’t work. One party is putting in all the effort while the other cannot be bothered or is just not attempting to make the relationship work. That is not a true friendship, and usually leads to the loss or destruction of a friendship.

15. They Forget Important Dates

I feel really hurt when a friend i consider to be very close forgets most especially my birthday. Friends are meant to remember important dates, especially your birthday (can be excused on others). This is because these dates define us and are a huge part of our lives just like a true friend is. If your firend remembers such dates, the value of your relationship grows.  A casual or fake friend would not bother remembering such dates.


Please comment and share remember a candle loses nothing of its light by lighting another candle. 

8 comments:

  1. Some people you consider as friends may not consider you as their friends. Friendship is more than gisting everyday. Thanks for the insight to what friendship is all about. I love my friends, i value friendship. Trendygloria my sister from another mother.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My friend since forever you know i gat much love for you. Thanks for always being there.

      Delete
    2. My friend since forever you know i gat much love for you. Thanks for always being there.

      Delete
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  3. Theses are pointers to know the fake friend but some will pretend.I used to have a fake friend, never knew she pretended all this while.Sometimesit takes yourinstinct and discretion to know a real friend


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  4. All the points you made are true.they are good at pretending.

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  5. All the points you made are true

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hmmm. Are you sure missing is part? Some ppl hide their feelings or are not comfortable letting it out o. Either ways, I think your instinct would let you on on some things.

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