Thursday, 10 December 2015

Dear Gloria When the abuse is not physical what do i do?

I am an ardent reader of your blog and i want to thank you for allowing God use you this way. Your Mondays Inspirational is a must read for me. Keep up the good work ma.

I was going through your blog recently and I saw an article where you wrote about domestic violence/abuse.
My own case is a bit different and that is why am confused.

I have been married for 3 years now. My husband doesn't physical abuse me but his verbal pronouncements can kill somebody. He says words and doesn't care if it hurts me or not. Even when am emotional troubled by those words, he carry on as if he doesn't notice anything.
I remember some months back, we had an argument and i went to bed crying but do you know he came into the room saw me in that state instead of trying to calm me he still went ahead forced his way and made love to me.
There are so many instances that i can't mention. I am not a perfect being but i thought i deserve a better treatment. It's only on TV i see where a man pets a woman i have never experienced it in my marriage.
I am beginning to nurse some ideas that may not be healthy for my marriage but i can't help it because the love i once had for him has decreased.
What do i do?
Please ma published my story.

My opinion
Was he like this during your courtship period? If no then find out where you both missed it. Secondly, go to God in prayer because HE alone can touch his heart.
Thirdly, find a conducive time and talk to him tell him how he is making you feel. I believe God for restoring your marital joy.


  1. awwwwww its so sad that women go through all these kind of treatments in marriage. Verbal pronouncement can be terrible as well.

    May God teach you what to do ooo

  2. Gloria give the poster the link to my blog. Let her do the 40 day love dare, I bet you even before the end, your marriage will be better off.
    Emotional abuse us worse than physical abuse!

    1. Exactly emotional abuse is far more deadly... people like your husband love throwing jabs but can't take one. Stop crying over what he says...Nma's Blog 

  3. dearie poster i agree with Gloria on this...didnt you see the signs? no matter how little.

    Glowyshoes's blog

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  4. Minister Gloria, your counsel indeed has Wisdom of God. more Grace!

    permit me to add this:
    you see the spiritual controls the physical.

    it is written in Proverbs 6:2
    Thou art snared with the words of thy mouth, thou art taken with the words of thy mouth.

    I felt for this young lady because of the emotional trauma she is going through but I thank God that because she is here today, her story will be change.

    dear poster,i see lack of communication, try and communicate with your husband about what you are passing through emotionally.

    like minister Gloria said, go to God in prayer.There is nothing He can not do. tackle the root please, don't just because you are asked to. find the root of the problem and start from there.

    Thou shalt also decree a thing, and it shall be established unto thee: and the light shall shine upon thy ways. Job 22:8

    Then the Lord put forth his hand, and touched my mouth. And the Lord said unto me, Behold, I have put my words in thy mouth.
    See, I have this day set thee over the nations and over the kingdoms, to root out, and to pull down, and to destroy, and to throw down, to build, and to plant. Jer.1:9-10

    Receive Revelation as you call on Jesus. Amen.

    please permit me to give this blessed moment to my fellow ministers:
    Minister BMF, Miriam, Chincobee, Alabekee and Temitope.
    Thank you!

  5. Many married women are constantly experiencing verbal abuse in the hands of the man that is supposed to be their succor. Dear Poster, I have nothing more to tell you other than what Gloria has said already. I believe if you heed to the advise, things will turn around for the better in your home.

    Goodluck to you

  6. I believe the answer is pray, pray and then pray again. Communicate as well but don't do it harshly, watch his mood, or cook his best food and tell it to him gently or you could start by asking what you are doing wrong that he wants you to stop so he doesn't feel defensive. It will be easier to direct the discussion from there. Wish you the best poster

    1. hey birthday girl, thanks for your contribution!

      Minister Gloria...please check out her blog @ and wish a Happy birthday!

  7. Quoting this aspect from the post ''I remember some months back, we had an argument and i went to bed crying but do you know he came into the room saw me in that state instead of trying to calm me he still went ahead forced his way and made love to me''... THIS IS RAPE! MARRIED OR NOT, ITS RAPE!
    I know the Nigerian and the African society won't see a forced sex between husband and wife as rape but in the developed countries, such man, be it your husband or not, would be arrested and charged for rape..

    I see Emotional abuse as even worse than physical manhandling cos the victim tends to hate herself more than if she was beaten....even though all forms of abuse is condemned..

    Madam, I wish I can say don't leave your husband but to take a time off to be alone somewhere, so that he would appreciate you, but if you give him that opportunity, another woman would come into your home and the blame would be on you for leaving your husband...

    Talk to him and let him know how hurt you feel each time he assaults you emotionally.

  8. so sowi hun.... buh gloria has said it all


  9. First thing,what does he complain about?have you tried to heedy I his words?are you stubborn or disobedient?you need to do a thorough check.if you pass this test then you can now communicate with him whenh e is in a good mood,tell him how you feel about his act and above all pray about it.

    May God restore your home

  10. I say take away his power to hurt you. Begin to look at the words like what they really are, empty words that shouldn't hurt you. He loves seeing you squirm and happy, have fun on your own, do things that make you happy. Don't let him make you late for your own life. Be happy and ignore, ignore, ignore! He will come around eventually when he sees he has no power over you aNymore and it will be up up you to whether to forgive him or not.
    Hi Gloria, hope you're better.

  11. Hi dear, just pray about it. Ask the Lord to give u wisdom to handle this matter. Den look for a good moment and talk to him, highlighting wat makes u feel bad. May God heal ur marriage.

    1. Bad words do hurt, talk to your husband about it and pray to God. May God help you

      Topmost Tree

  12. It's just a matter of time before u begin to lose ur self esteem and self confidence. Emotional abuse is the worst kind of abuse and it's only a matter of time before it turn physical. The bad words are not describing you but rather your husband 's anger,frustration and bitterness. Most times its not ur fault but transfer aggression, that's why u shouldn't allow it to penetrate ur heart to bother u. For him to force himself on u after hurting u scares me a bit. Stop showing him he affects u. stop showing him u felt hurt,it will motivate him to hurt u more. Listen dear, u need to be strong, u are much more stronger than u thought, begin to avoid anything that will lead to verbatim. This is also a time to be very prayerful, I pray that God will encounter ur hubby. If things keeps deteriorating find someone ur hubby held in high esteem to talk to him, eg ur pastor etc. I don't recommend talking to family members, most times they will get biased and take sides.

    God will restore a happy home to u.just don't lose sight of God.

  13. Sit him down and ask for his reason for the behavior.

  14. Learn to ignore and channel your energy to someone else maybe kids and seek inner peace.


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