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Saturday, 4 July 2015

When My Emotions Failed Me.

I thought I had waited enough, so when it when i had an opportunity of working outside my state (from the watchful eyes of my parents especially my mum), , I made up my mind to date any cute guy that comes my way,afterall i was mature and ripe for marriage.

Though i never believed in dating, but so many things just appeared to be wrong with my life, even when they were
not. I had been a virgin since birth, never dated, this was due to what my mum taught me. Her words, ''never wake up love
when it is not time, and when it is time, don't fall for it, stand with your eyes open, then walk into it.''
I bounded those words to my heart all through my university days and NYSC days, but as soon as i got a fairy good job, I felt those "good girl epistle" they should be thrown away as trash.

I was now a big girl, who should be approached for marriage. My new believe was that, if a lady has not gotten a man at 25 (i was 26 now), then she is likely going to settle with any kind of man outside her desires. I was losing my faith and trust in God, which had led me thus far, I was now following the way of the world.
Just three days at my new location, he came to tell me he was interested in me. His words, ''I love the way you carry yourself, your Christianity, and simplicity. You will surely be a wonderful wife to your husband when you get married. So who is the lucky guy, I mean your fiance?''

His question threw me off balance that I didn't know when I told him I was still single and available. Foolish me, was I
supposed to advertize my singleness and availability to a man whom God has not revealed anything about me to?
He only admired my beauty, liked my character and simplicity, not that he heard from God that I was the lady for him. But I
have already revealed to him how desperate I was towards having a man in my life.
Anything done outside the leading of the spirit, is indeed carnal. He was handsome and intelligent, but still he was not the right man. Did I care? Did I even seek the face of God concerning him? I do hear from God quite alright, but I was desperate to have a ''Him'' by my side.
When he heard my reply about being single and available, that day he began his chase after me. Like a He-goat, he kept coming, and like a She-goat on heat period, I gave him a try.
The door of my heart opened, and then we began dating.

My emotions and feelings clouded my spiritual eyes and ear, that all I see in my dreams was his image and his voice. On one ocassion, I saw both of us purchasing
wedding gown and other wedding items. All that made me to believe I was already in the will of God concerning a life
partner.
So my feelings and love for him increased, I was now visiting uncontrollably and was hanging out with him. Hmm, the devil must have said, ''the 'all her life virgin' has
found a lover, let's see how she will control herself.'' Was it easy? Could my legs still be crossed? I was losing my mind,
and the urge for sex would not spare me. Day by day, this urge increased, it was burning like fire. I wish water could quench it... No way, it was beyond a physical fire.
Then that night came, the night of becoming one flesh. It was his saliva into my saliva, his body into my body, and his
blood into my blood. I was deflowered, my twenty-six years of virginity gone in five minutes. Did I plan to break it that way? Without walking down the aisle? I was ashamed of myself, naked before a man who has not visited my parents, let alone pay my dowry. ''Is this me?'' I asked
myself. ''What went wrong?'' Uncontrolled tears quietly escaped from my eyes.
When he stool up to dress up, a shining object mistakenly left the pocket of his trouser, and made its way to the ground. When I glanced at it, I was shocked to discover the obvious, it was his wedding ring.
''Are you married?'' I quickly asked. He didn't say a word, he only nodded, thereafter, he appologized and left the room as if nothing happened.
Picking up my dress was something I found difficult to do, until I heard a voice, ''Come de go make I arrrange my room,'' the voice of the owner of the room whom he paid just to exploit me. Hmm, my dignity was buried alive. Before the stranger, I dressed up, still thinking he was outside, I came out, but he was no where to be found. Since I left camp, I have never set my eyes on him, who even know if
he was human?.
All my dreams and revelations were mere imaginations. I threw away my mother's advice and the grace of God that kept me all through my campus years only to get all that, now in tears I'm picking them up after the mistake has been made....

Dear friends, are you also going to make such mistake?
The grace of God and the godly counsel that has kept you going, will you treat them like trash, even at this point of your life? Many sisters and brothers get defiled just minutes to their long awaited breakthroughs, they lost their self control immediately they see someone who is likely to be their life partner.
Why will it be said that it was during the period you stayed alone that you got defiled? You whose orientation is begining to change simply because you enter a new environment, watch yourself very well. You mustn't meet your life partner at your new place of work or in a new environment. If you do, pray down the will of God concerning it, before accepting the proposal. You mustn't date to know him/her better, if you do, your emotions and feelings towards them are likely to cloud your mind, and this will make it difficult for you to hear from God.
God still speaks to us, He is ever interested and more interested in our lives.
Let's not throw away all that we have learnt just because we couldn't control our emotions..

Muaaaaah to you all who has refused to defile themselves despite the pressure from friends and families..

My name is Tricia (not real name) thanks for reading my story..

Love Trendy living blog family you guys rock...


13 comments:

  1. Touching story. Though I have to add, it is not always about what God "said" it's about what he's "saying". God can tell you this person is your partner today, then things don't work out and you start wondering if God is a liar. Truth is for every Adam, there are a million Eves and vice versa. Tomorrow, something can happen that you will need to hear afresh from God. That's why it's important to stay in tune with his voice. God help us

    www.mololasblog.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wow...i really felt touched by this story.. The truth is that we should never allow people or society to determine our lives for us..look unto God and on your own part be yourself and stand your ground

    www.glowyshoe.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. wow............ am proud of you... nice one and keep it up.

    Immanuel mavin kish

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *screams* Mavin!!!! Where have you been???? Miss your writing oooo

      Delete
    2. Awwww Mavin i miss miss you please come back home.

      Delete
  4. Tricia (fake name, I know), thanks for sharing your story. I like when people share theie true personal experience. Words from the heart touch the heart of another deeply. This touched me.


    Sweet Glo, Thanks for posting.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True word prof. Things i have heard can't deal.. This one got me.

      Delete
  5. Sad but thought provoking story indeed.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hmmm, that moment you realise that one step out of track has cost you a millions drones of irreparable losses!

    A touching tale indeed!

    Lesson for everyone. There is no reason to take a step back when you know you are on the right track. Never deviate!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awwww @Godfirst thanks for visiting TLB.

      Delete
  7. Tricia, one good thing is that you have learnt your lessons, though in a bitter way. It's always good to heed to advise from our parents because they know better than we do. Thanks for sharing your story with us
    www.alabekee.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  8. omg! this is a sad story many girls are victim of this kinda incident.
    am short of words cos i am damn tired

    bolateethole.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete

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