Thursday, 18 June 2015

Have You Lost Your Individuality??

Hello fam how the go dey go? (don't mind me i be reallllllll local girl o) .
So my itching fingers will not allow me rest. Didn't plan to put up another post today o but you know something always lead to something that leads to something.. Chaiii how many people got that? Well let me go straight to my gist cos i really need to rest as in right now..
It is about how not to lose your individuality as a woman.

When two people come together in a relationship, it is important that they make certain adjustments.
This helps their bond to grow stronger and fonder. But, always remember that a healthy relationship is a two-way street.
A place where both partners are equal at all levels. We say so because when you look around you find that it is the woman who makes more than her fair share of sacrifices and compromises for her man.

I often wonder why especially after marriage, the woman is the one who is expected to make all the adjustments and changes.
I am not against the rules or the fact that a woman shouldn't adjust, (because our society expects toooooo much from a woman mitcheeeeew).

Well, Ladies, my take is while you might be doing some things happily, there are some
crucial aspects in which you should never compromise evem when you are in love.

Like Ignoring your dreams Just because he wants you to spend time with him or be around him always, should not make you feel guilty into turning down that big
promotion or the chance to go for that prestigious conference abroad.
He should never ask you to make a choice between your dreams and him. In a healthy relationship, there is always be a common ground to work on.
Ask yourself, would you be happy in a relationship where you have to give up your hard-earned dreams? If he loves you, he will understand that your dreams and career are as important as his.

Don't ever modify your values.
All of us have our own set of moral values and principles that we believe in.
These values form our identity and individuality to a large  extent. Never try to change your morals just because your man wants you to (except it is a positive change) even if you two don’t share common values, he should always respect yours, rather than change them. This is not just about moral values; it is also about religion and beliefs. Such things cannot and should not ever be changed just because someone else wants you to do so.

Trying change your entire look is an error very many women make.
A woman should never change her appearance or the way she looks only because her man desires so. Please note that subtle changes are acceptable, like dressing and styling ones.
But if he wants you to go for surgeries (i have heard stories like that) to change certain aspect of your appearance then never agree to it. He should admire your natural beauty and not work towards changing it. Just because he doesn’t like the way your nose looks or if he finds your ears too pointy, it should not guilt-trip you into going for something as drastic as a surgery.

Always sacrificing your personal space so that even your family and friends no longer enjoy your time and attention.
So, never sacrifice your personal space and time that you should be spending with them just because he wants you to.
Try to always strike a balance. Just because you are in a relationship does not mean that you do not need anyone else
apart from him. And, he should understand and respect that.

Do not forget who you are.
Never try to act what you are not. Do not show that you are less intelligent than him just to boost his ego or only because it will make him happy.
Men like independent women, so acting stupid is not going to help at all. Also, you
should not change your likes and dislikes for him. These things make you unique. So, do not lose your individuality and
identity for a man. At least, not when you are being forced to do so

Lastly before i go to see esther, loz (seriously need to sleep)
Never give him the access to be in control of you. No matter how much you love him, the decisions should always be mutual. He should never make the final decision of what you should and shouldn’t do.
Always discuss with him, but make your decision keeping your own lifestyles and choices in mind.
Ladies, keep these things in mind. There are certain aspects of  personality that you should not change for a man, even when you are in love. If you are not true to yourself, you can never be true to your relationship!



  1. Yay! FTC!!!!...I will be back lah...

    1. **whispers to everyone** Y'all better listen to Gloria...I am starting to think she is a relationship expert...**side eyes**

    2. Lolz you are not far from the book.. My book virtuous woman is a must have for all the single ladies out there..
      Thanks dearie.

    3. You have a book? Wow that's awesome.

  2. Lol@Tibs

    Congrats ahahahahaha

    Now on the post, I am not married but I don't plan to lost myself. Though I know it will be an entirely different world but am ready to the barest minimum that won't be detrimental to what I want for myself!!!

  3. This is so correct. My sis is going through such right now. Ever since she got married, her hubby bluntly refused she should do anything other than sit at home and take care of the kids. Hmnnnnnn....

  4. As usual, right in some parts. But note that marriage is all about compromise and that our African society expects too much of women, even to the extent of displeasing herself in order for the man to be happy. But any husband worthy of his onion should support his wife in order to bring out the best in her and not undervalue her. What were you doing in my dream, sweetheart Glo?

  5. Every one got a part to play ...but giving up dreams ain't it nay nay

  6. leboo just discussing with me why i should go do my masters before i opened this post! wow....
    i just thank God for my man he always believe in me,tho we fight oo we agree to disagree but the fact that he didnt change me to suit his dressing,et al esp his religion makes me droll over him again and again.*shinesteeth*

  7. Such sage advice! Yes, in marriage couples grow together--but we must all retain our authentic identities--well said! T.

  8. Mehn Gloria some married people need to see this because I am seeing more displaced and broken homes as a result of these issues above nowadays.

    Erm Gloria do you know I live in Benin too? Are you a bini by tribe?

  9. "Never give him the access to control of you" quoted from your last paragraph. Permit me to be differ from you...honestly this, to me is an anti peaceful marriage post. Preaching this to an already confused society where women are trying to be in control of everything and walk over their men is over heating of polity.

    This is somehow against the well structured African culture we inherited and in fact it is not in anyway in line with any religious preaches. Trying to play head to head with your man in all aspects could be so destructive to the family life. In all marriages women are the managers because they are always in charge of running the affairs of the family activities why the husband is more or less like the director. In a situation where a woman's dream will affect her activeness in playing her family role it will definitely tell on her children.

    What do we think will be the benefit of a woman who after running round the world to achieve her dream but failed to build a happy family for her children? Every weekend marriages are constituted in all religious houses and our customary court, but on a daily basis marital violence resulting to divorce...This is what we should look into as the instruments of change for which we stand. Thanks. html://


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